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So sexual-massage, yeah? It’s like a massage, but spicy, innit. Them hands ain’t just kneadin’ ya back - they’re goin’ *places*, fam. Little-known fact - back in ancient times, them Chinese emperors was gettin’ these rubs to “balance their chi” or summat. Probs just an excuse to get freaky, haha! Makes me laff thinkin’ about some posh git in a robe tryna play it cool while he’s all oiled up.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I’m running back home, bread in one hand, trying to cover my head with the other. I’m slipping and sliding all over the place. I’m laughing and cursing at the same time. “This is just perfect!”

Figure 1. The most important Middle Paleolithic discoveries from...